I Found Myself

Hey friends, this blog post is going to be a little different than my other ones for several different reasons.  I have been wanting to write this for a while now but it has never felt like the right time. However, I feel like the journey I am on right now can help others that feel the same way as I do. So get comfy and grab your cup of coffee because I’m going to be very transparent and vulnerable.

As the New Year begins I’m certain many of you have jumped on the “New Year, New Me" train and I am all for it. If you have been following my blogs you know that I am an advocate of goal setting, organizing and positive thinking. This is what Living in Faith Everyday is all about. Nevertheless, this year is a little different for me. You see last year I got to the point where the encourager needed to encourage herself and I decided to work on ME! You read that right! This wife and mom of 3 with a full time Job whom also happens to be the Leading Lady of a Church decided to prioritize herself for once.

It’s the last sentence for me.

Why did I  feel like I had to list all of the roles I have before stating that I put myself first? Because that’s what I have done for years and society tells us that if we have children or are married that we should  take care of them first before we take care of ourselves. But who said that’s the way it should be? Looking back I cannot remember the last time I saw my mom sit and eat with us, unless we were at a restaurant. She made sure everyone had a plate and ate before she sat down to eat.  I even think there were times where she didn't sit down to eat, she ate standing! Why is that? I remember when I became pregnant with Maiya and all the women in my life told me that now my life is not about me anymore, it’s about my child. I was told that I could not be part of the youth ministry anymore because I was now a mother and should be in the women's ministry. It was like they were saying “oh you’re a mom now so your life is done!”

I was 19. My life was just beginning!

So I stopped living for me and focused on making sure my child and husband had everything they needed. “I’ll focus on me afterwards” I would say, but the older i got the more children I had and that just put more people in front of me to focus on. Every time I tried to do something for me it felt like I was neglecting my family. 

Can’t take too long getting my nails done because I have to make sure I’m home.

Can’t go to the gym because I need to be present at home.

Can’t drop the kids off at the sitter on my day off to run errands because then it looks like I don’t like my children or can't handle them.

We call this mom guilt!

Well last year I said "GOODBYE" to the mom guilt!

I have always struggled with working on myself and one of the things my mom always told me was to never let myself go, but after years of putting myself last I did let myself go. I am really good with working on my mental and spiritual health, but when it comes to my physical health, I never had the time. I wanted to feel good about myself and take care of myself from the inside out. So I decided it was time to started my health journey, like really started my health journey. I knew this journey was not going to be easy because I have tried this before and failed, but this time I have one thing now that I didn’t have before, consistency.

It started off with wanting to lose a couple of pounds to feel better in my clothes and now it’s all about how strong I have become! I have will power and endurance, I am no longer tired all the time and I feel good! It feels good to tell my family, mommy is going to workout, I’ll be back and not feel guilty about it because I know that their world didn’t end in 45 minutes while I was away. Most importantly I am setting the example in my home that our health is a priority and I am in awe with what I have been able to accomplish in 9 months of being consistent. I have no more excuses. I know I’m in this journey for the rest of my life but it’s a journey I am enjoying because I’m doing it for me!

The hardest thing to do was to start. Once you start you have already overcome the biggest obstacle which is doubt.

I found myself last year and it is only the beginning.